Saturday, 12 February 2011


I haven't been able to write for some time, Twitter doesn't really count, but the Very Big News is that we became an Academy a few months back.

The Wise Head beamed at briefing after Xmas that, in respectful tones, the Arch Arse Michael Gove has deigned to throw Chavmouth off the books and allow us to go Academy. It had been mooted for some time since the arrival of the Bullingdon Boys. TWH said there would be no changes to anything - thought bubbles appeared among our unimpressed heads asking what the point of changing status then was. Sceptical chins rubbed all round. It’s a power trip and makes the only school in Chavmouth now the only school in Chavmouth that can use the word Academy. As the only secondary school in Chavmouth it makes no difference either than getting a nice new sign to deface.There is rumour that there will be a new mission statement  Fuck around and Carry On for consequences for acting the nob, being aggressive, rude and dangerous are minimal and a critical mass of scrotes respect or fear nothing. Why should they be when even the Year 8s walk past TWH or his acolytes in senior management ignoring demands to sort out their uniforms or pick up litter they have dropped. Unless becoming an Academy allows TWH the power to exclude or summarily castrate there seems little point beyond a fat ego trip and two minutes on the local news.

Bloody Facebook

What a great thing Facebook is - its use has helped overthrow the corrupt, nasty, western aided and abetted Arab despots. It allows people to stay in contact and allows scum to continue their foul vendettas and after school. Typical of the intake at our er...outstanding school are the Year 9 harridans (Kaylee, Chelcee, Beyonce, Chlamydia, Peach et al) who have taken a small but bitchy insult  yer a fat minger directed to one of their fellows, Slappella, who is both fat and a minger, and gone global with it threatening all sorts of justice that your average Taliban ragheadbanger might find extreme. The girls from the large slapper community across the school are all fully involved and ready to take up sharpened nails and broken bottles - they sit through my classes texting and Facebooking one another. 
You try stopping a pack of 16 year olds on with the prospect of violence on their hands. 

The barb thrower has been kept off school for fear of violence (likely) and Plod has been brought in thus wasting more time...Outstanding.

(Up date: May 2011 - the barb thrower did not return)


Well, there’s hope for the future, there always is, there has to be or we should all give up. Now The bright shining future in which we invest all our hope must be resident in The Kids, the little ones that we love, adore, nurture and sacrifice so much. Inspired by such dreams and hopes, one of our former young proto-criminals at the social cesspit that is Chavmouth High has breached his Asbo, met a species of Chavmouth girl, a toilet mouthed six-fingered cousin...probably,  and spilt his toxic seed into her, a being spawned thus providing us with a future inmate and more guaranteed employment for social workers.

Of course every child matters but this shit-for-brains 16 year old, refusing school before he could be excluded it, with a long petty criminal and drug record has now joined DNA with one of Chavmouth’s 14 year old finest slappers, it is scrawled on Facebook, and they have the scrote they wanted - yes, it has initials for names and the 30 year old doing mother impersonations is now a grandmother. Success, aspiration and inspiration indeed.