Saturday, 25 September 2010

The Lynx Effect

Predictably, the weather is post shitty August warm and the BSF rooms wonderfully air-conned - except for our neglected runt of an unwanted slightly embarrassing department now officially less sexy than bloody Supersitition according to national stats. Yes, what nonsense. Faith schools abound and an understanding of world fairy tales creeps up the scale of GCSEs - little wonder we continue our decades long plummet down the lime scaled toilet disregarding knowledge, critical thinking and reason along the way down the path to modern 

The Wise Head doesn’t like our department very much , doesn’t think it’s important enough to get a makeover, not that it under-performs, well not  too much anyway but it just ain’t sexy and down with the kidz not least as they have to think and apply themselves and therefore with fulsome encouragement from their parent(s) who aren’t very good at thinking or applying themselves either (evinced by their inability to flee the inbred areas of the county)  they drop it mentally before they even arrive at Big yes the Wise Head is right absolutely correct why waste resources on us...?

By way of mild digression my good friend The Architect tells me 10% of windows in a building must be able to be opened as a paltry minimum. That’s what we’ve got which is really conducive to a fine learning environment  in a classful of pubing  teens bleeding sweat, hormones, BO, stale fungoid halitosis and worst of all Lynx, from those of their pores that remain unblocked by the fat and grease from the industrial burgers and kebabs on which they forage as part of their natural healthy diet (St Ritallin's is a Healthy Eating School according to the numerous stickers we have)...and of course they are still too coy to take a shower after PE which really doesn't help. Coupled with the underlying elements of underclassness many will only have limited access to clean clothes as the dole money is spent on lottery tickets, dog food, booze, fags and drugs. Well, I read all about the underclass and listened to our beloved PM's orations about Broken Britain in a month old  Daily Mail in back Expatland once so it must be true.

Regardless,  I’m sure the last government would have got Nanny in to question the health and safety aspect of working in such primeval conditions which surely amount to some kind of bio-hazard about which the Unions have been noticeably recalcitrant in mentioning unlike in the old days when there would have been a walkout. Or is that wishful false memory on my part? Anyway, having been overseas and spoilt by having such basic things as aircon and students with more class and money to be able to afford decent French fragrances, I had forgotten quite how much of an eye-blistering smack in the nose teaching can be.

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