'I tell you it's herpes I have...'

Well...what can you say? The immaculate, gorgeous but unpouting young Swiss lady in the group came into class at 9.00 with what I thought was toothpaste on her top lip...foolish me for quietly and discretely  pointing it out...however, in her in  best comedy German accent she declaimed in very certain terms 'nein Prentice, it is not toothpaste it is to be treating mein herpes' which she pointed with a dramatic but matter-of-fact flourish...shaking my head and not wishing to make a big deal of it, I explained that though she might be medically correct to refer to it as cold sore. She mulled this over and asked for clarification and found it did not compute. How could you call something which is one thing something else? After a few seconds she decided that it was not to be a cold sore but that she would be proud and importantly accurate in referring to her sore a an STi. Her choice....

Ramadan struggles....

Well, back in Britain now and doing a summer school a world away from the overheated Ramadan dry, uptight gender-segregated, pre-feudal semi-slave states of the Gulf...how I do not miss it. Maybe my time is done there and perhaps I will not make the return flight. It seems a good thing not to do.  This has been a nagging thought because aside from the bucketfulls of money...and the amusing ex-pat life in large paid for accommodation... and ...er...OK waiting list free health care ...and ...the easy teaching,  there is no other reason to in such Allah-forsaken cultural vacuums...nope none at all. A dreadful life.

In the meantime though this has been a bit of culture shock to say the least - summer clad pouty, leggy Italian and Thai women in the same classes with Ramadan dry Saudi, and Emirati males having a rough old time going 19 hours without food, drink or fags...their choice of course...all for an IELTS 4.5, eventually. I am quite enjoying the teaching and at times worry how deskilled I have become in the Gulf. My fault of course and before I returned there a few years back I was concerned that fucking Gove inspired micro-management, led by the loon-eyed head and the Northern Nazi (see past entries)  at the scummy academy in East Kent in the god-forsaken hole that is Herne Bay, had done the same...ah well, now I find teaching bright multi-national groups once again that no such thing had happened I could always teach it's just that if the materials are crap the outcome also is.

A Little Englander's view of the world....

The Hive Mind

The students I teach are truly wonderful. They are eager to learn, especially the girls who, imprisoned on campus have fewer distractions than the boys who have cars, footy (playing and watching) Chinese and Filipina women and illegal boozing and the odd spliff or derivative therein. Well, that's if you go with er...totally ....unfounded rumour and the lusting around the sex workers, for that is who they are, at the local 5* hotel bar.

Like young people in most places they have inquiring minds, a lust for learning and see their time here as one in which to develop and lay cliched foundations for themselves for the future. Some will stay in Oman with their lovely families (all families are lovely for that is the unarguable national consensus) some will go on all expenses paid courses in the UK or Australia. Yet, independence of thought is not always clearly in evidence as it isn't always in England. There is the perpetual fear of losing face of not singing from the same traditional conservative sheet. On their own the boys will be more open in front of their sisters the party line is followed which goes pretty much like this.

1. The Family is the most sacred and wonderful thing there can possibly be.
2. Allah is the dog's bollocks
3. Islam rocks
4. The Sultan is most munificent.

As an outsider I am in no position to engage in debate too much with any of the above apart from nos 1 to 4 but as a good and culturally sensitive migrant worker I would hardly dare deign to be so rude not least as confrontation and argument is scorned...at least in front of the uber respected teacher...it's lovely to have that instant respect just for being part of what is called one of the divine professions by my Indian colleagues.

Hive Mind is an interesting and sometimes annoying thing. The individual's opinion  is subsumed into that of the class. It is not as bad as it used to be now that I can judge when a subject may have raised a sceptical eye-brow. There will be murmurings in Arabic before the Head Man in the class or Woman expresses the group opinion. Disagreement, in front of me at least, is never openly expressed.Such a situation in which harmony of the group is more important than the view of the individual is interesting and perhaps does have something to be said for it. It's all we rather than I - imagine that in an English classroom.

Desperate begging letters

All very sad - the papers multi-marked, the grades entered and the studes mostly passed, well they ought to have as so much in the final exam had been covered including a couple of the easy unexercising essay titles. The upstanding British government provider of dodgy exams for wannabe migrants - the integrity filled for profit only ETS would have even been shamed...well, possibly not. Still, it seemed a friendly gift from those lovely folk in the testing department.  Those students on their third and final attempt even had the pass mark reduced to much mumbled mithering and furrowing of brows, shaking of heads,  and wholehearted lack of understanding from the hard-nosed westerners doing boring and staid things like well, following the guidelines and criteria. My local colleagues were more understandably understanding, or perhaps, if being ungracious, one might say over-indulgent of fellow futile failed members of the tribe / region / religion and would maybe move to make a clear Fail a euphemistic Partial Success (yes I know) and a PS a healthy high-fibre Pass by bumping the percentages up a few small notches. It goes on in the UK and other places too, I have been grubbily part of it simply following orders at the shit East Kent Coastal academy at which I lost some of my life. Sadly the sea has not reclaimed it yet and pulled it Carrie-like into Hades...then again that part of East Kent may perhaps already be have been claimed by Hades. I digress, I hate to be part of that - but at least after much arguing we have got double blind marking in. About time too but not much will change until IELTS or some such is brought in before students need to go overseas for an all expenses paid MA. Nice.

For sure it is not the most academically rigourous of places and wilfully blinded eyes are turned from the blatant cheating / helping that goes on among the studes (and indeed teachers) to the righteous huffing and puffing of some folk who then cannot be bothered to follow it up thus making Us and Them complicit. Cheating is not a concept widely understood - a cooperative spirit is entrenched by religion and of course the needs of generations of life in a horribly harsh inhospitable climate so yes, I can understand the difficulty people have in being told by a godless foreigner not to  er...help your tribal cousin or family member or co-religionist? Moreover, there is a largely unspoken understanding that the Wise Leader does not want bored, angry and frustrated young people going around ungainfully employed not least as that could lead to another leak in power and authority and that would never do, so just pass everyone or at least give them Partial Success otherwise it's the inevitably futile attempt at getting an IELTS 5 to continue as many of our studes, especially the boys are simply not capable or arsed to try do that.

So while supposedly enjoying my break in the sodden, wind, rain and sewage lashed south of England I am being inundated by begging mails from desperate boys asking me to check their triple checked marks for all sorts of errors beyond theirs. They will have to either re-do the year or term or try to pull a bit of wasta (influence) with the Powers That Be none of whom are godless infidels. Those students that succeeded sent me lots of rightfully happy emails praising Allah with no mention of their teachers. Those that failed of course blame the teachers and NOT the most munificent Allah who pre-ordained  their futile failure. Good logic at work as ever. 

....but (sighs) as it is all the Will of Allah does any of it really matter...?

Football as seen by the Qatar Foundation and Russian er...mafia / business types and too many others.....

God bless the NHS....